kopong-kopong

 
What is your best quality? What do you love about yourself?
 
I love how I sold a car, just to be able to spend my birthday with a guy who belongs to another country. This guy eventually said that he’d like to smash my face. Now there’s this sinister group that mocks me…no end….teasing and mocking me.There’s still no way of knowing if Mr. Wayang Kulit is a part of this group that wants to kill me. Puts in ways how I’m a deaf, blind, and mute. Pipi, bingi, at bulag. For reasons I’d like to never be aware of. Obviously, I beg to disagree. Hindi ako pipi, bingi, at bulag. Hindi pa.
 
I’m not a deaf-mute and I’m not blind. Going blind, perhaps. The deaf-mute part still has a whole lot of pukpukbangbang to go and lots of tsinelas squeals from kids I sure as hell am glad not to ‘own’. Ngayon naman may naglalaro ng tabo. Name that mystery sound. Ayaw ko nga. Bahala sila sa buhay nila.
 
I like how I’m just making the usual purgation of emotion bit, at home…and I still manage to sound deep. Even with emo. Anak ng tokwang mahilig sa sawa, oo.
Sabi ko noong isang araw, " Mabuti pa ang demonyo, marunong ng pampalubag luob. Samantala ang kalangitan…well…you know. The usual. Napakaramot."
 
Sabi siguro ng demonyo sa mga g*gong gumahasa sa aking kanang palad sa loob ng Mt. Carmel church, " Ops. Tsktsktsk. Kung ako sa inyo, hindi ko gagawin iyan. Tsktsktsk. I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Don’t go there. Sige, bahala kayo. Kaya nga ba’t nagpakick-out nalang ako diyan sa tinatawag niyong Langit, eh. Kung mahal niyo iyang ‘batang’ iyan…hindi niyo gagalawin ang palad niyan. Tsktsktsk. Don’t do it…ano ba kayo? Ako nga eh, si demonyo na nga ako, hindi ko magawang paglaruan ng ganyan iyan, ano. Tsktsktsk. Right. You’re all right. Alam niyo iyon? Tama. As in…Yeah, right. "
 
There’s something about the so called evil side vs. the so called good side. SCES (so called evil side) goes , " Number 1 shitehead, definitely doesn’t work for us but we agree with the SCGS. We’d love to fcuk around with you but we mean this in a good way, you dig? On the other hand, ( hahaha no pun intended…maderpaker) SCGS just purely means fcuk around for total ruin."
 
Ok.
 
I like how I’m constasntly trying to envision my fcukhead neighbors eating their own shit. Same goes to their kids. I never cared much about my neighbors. Now I care even less. They make me miserable and they deserve to eat their own shit. I hate how this happened—-> I used to believe in St. Anthony and these fcukers…they gave me a Groundhog day practicail joke that my Mama didn’t even get to notice because she was tanked with her pseudo-leprosy meds. I’m actually really very terrified of this group that could attempt murder. Tried to murder my Mama with that illness of hers. I’m not ever going to say or to think that it wasn’t some g*d daom miracle that cured her. Sino ako? Si Nora Aunor?  Maderpaker. Nag-aral sa UA&P at sa Ateneo para lang magpaka-Nora Aunor. Tae niyo naman eh. O, huwag niyong sabihin na hindi kayo tumatae. Kung hindi kayo tumatae eh di kayo ang E.T. hindi ako. pwe. shit man…this really sucks dude. 
And you know what else? Really, a bunch of "City of Goc" kids go running in front of the bahay last July and go, " E.T. E.T. E.T. " Ok, sa kailan nauso ulit ang E.T. kung hindi ba naman sinasadya ng mga boorat and pinaggagawa nila. And I am so frigging furious because my grandpa was a mayor of this town!!! Kawawa naman ang francess ng aking Lolo Nicanor, oo. Na kopong-kopong kups ng todo ng mga tadong ito.
 
I’m not a corrupt politician na dapat mga right hand nila ang rinape sa luob ng simbahan. What lesson can I possibly get from this group? Nothing that I didn’t know before. Such as , I wish I’d never been born?
Tsupi…go take a hike na nga. Kayong lahat.  Last year, some other group made me so afraid that they’d drive by the house and shoot me in my slumber. Man, I didn’t cower in the dark, back then. Now, I do. It would take an awful lot of awful crappy things to make me hate the house that love built.
 
I really don’t know why they raped my hand. I don’t want to know. All I know is…that was some work from the SCGS
Jimmy saying aloud sa coffee shop, at nasa harapan ko pa si Caridad Sanchez ( ang tanong, sino ang mga extra? si Caridad ba at yung muchacha niya, o ako at yung mga nasa lamesa namin)
 
Jimmy: Naku, kung may nakabangga kayong Mason, mamumulubi kayo sa Pilipinas. Alis na kaya kayo?
 
Uhuh…eh paki ko ba sa mga mason? hindi ko nga natapos ang Angels and Demons, ano. Tiningnan ko nalang ang ending sa Imdb. Naku naman…at ayaw ko kaya yung sine kung saan binigyan ng lobotomy ng mga mason si sino ba iyon? Atsaka, puwede ba. Mahal ko kaya ang librong Jude the Obscure. MAhal ko kaya si Thomas Hardy. Wala na akong ginawa kung hindi mahalin yung batang humiga sa taehan ng baboy dahil takot siyang mapagalitan?
 
At saka puwede ba? This group is probably behind why I’m not teaching now. Dude, sinabi na ng demonyo, tsktsktsk eh. Don’t go there, sabi eh. Dammit and you know why?
Tae ng ina niyo, ha. huwag niyong masabi masabi na bobo sa Literature ang mga nakapag-aral sa Ateneo. Kung wala kayong respeto sa UE-Manila, fine. Iba na yatang klaseng so called good side kung sa tingin niyo ay incompetent pa ang hinubog ng Lit Dept ng Ateneo, ano?
 
Bakit kaya hindi narape ang kaliwang palad ko? To the left…to the left…. what the pak?
eh ambi-dextrous ang rinape niyo na babae ah. hindi ko ma-gets dahil may pagkatanga nga ako…slight.
buti nalang….mag pagkatanga ako, kung hindi…pati kaliwang palad ko rinape niyo na rin siguro.
 
I love how I’m very sure of how the Devil does things sweeter. (Take this literally ..why not…’cause this group is made of a bunch of bobos. Literal lahat ang pagbasa sa akin. Mga g*go lang ang mangliliteral ng literary. )
 
sure …I still have my phone…I still can go and log on here…kaya tinawag na sinister and terrifying eh. Dinaig pa si Hannibal at yung The Shining talaga.
 
 I love how there is no one to save me. No one to look into my situation and to see that there is something… not right.
 
oo..nakita ko rin iyon. bow.
 
wala lang. gusto ko lang i-remind  ang aking self na si Mr. Wayang Kulit ang deaf-mute blind…hindi ako.
 
 

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