Grandmama didn’t like Atty. Superproxy ex husband to be # 3. I skipped out on my own wedding plans last december because a part of me got very scared. Scared that Atty. Superproxy ex husband to be # 3 would "lord it over" eventually, knowing that the old san juan house goes to me (if mom dies ahead of me), knowing that he’ll always have money, as my husband, if he ever chooses to be like my very shitty Atty. Dad ~ beat up the wife and the mother in law ….to get whatever it is that  he wants.
Grandmama looked at me, and asked, " Francess, siya ba? Ayaw ko."
Me: Grandma, grandma. Abugado siya.
Grandma: " And so? ano ngayon kung abogado? Mukhang salbahe, apo ko."
Grandmama gave me an occupation, as early as when I was 3. In one day, Bryan’s Song playing in the background, she taught me solfeggio. She taught me how to read music notes, in one day. Left hand and right hand. Her favorite song was La Paloma. She also liked Noche Azul and Estrellita. That’s why I have an Estrella in my very long name.
Music, was to be my fall back. The family, thinking of fall backs. tsktsktsk. I was only 3!
A few days before she left, so suddenly, we were able to sing " Sampaguita" together. She could still recite the words, if not sing. At 101 years old.
She died of asphyxia. And her doctor shot her with penicllin, last february. She’s allergic to penicillin, we told him. Obviously, he didn’t hear. She had pneumonia, last february.
Grandmama’s pamana to me?
Teaching me Music.
And my ancient…no…priceless violin.
I never told anyone from UE graduate school that I’m a violinist….while I was still a student of the 7th floor.
I revealed my talent nalang, after the pesteng 50 50 had been smashed to death.
I played for the books inside the library…and for Fely…my favorite librarian. And for Verni. assistant librarian.
I think I’m the only girl who has ever played the violin, inside the 7th floor’s library.
Estrella nga. Define Estrella? That’s me.
My idols? Levi Celerio (of course) and Redentor Romero. Redentor Romero used to go to the house and play for Grandpa Nicanor.He used to accompany my Grandpa at Toastmasters’ events in Manila, way back in the day. Grandpa would sing like Bing Crosby. Or recite "If" to R. Romero’s playing.
What do I like to play the most?
1. Minamahal Kita. ( A Kundiman)
2. Hatinggabi ( Another Kundiman) ~ just because it’s a family vignette…I studied how to play Hatinggabi for my Mama~ after she watched Coke Bolipata on tv and she complained, " Francess, hija…iyan lang, hindi mo pa matugtog. Mahirap ba iyan? hindi naman. Pag-aralan mo nga. For me." So I did. And I didn’t have to ask my violin professor to help me.
3. You turned the tables on Me. ~ I loved listening to Benny Goodman when I was still in college. My ears picked up the melody of my version from the RCA long playing of Benny Goodman’s platinum album.
4. Yumeji’s Theme
5. Saan Ka Man Naroroon ( another Kundiman)
6. Symphony in G minor ( Mozart) —-> my gulpi de gulat from noong unang panahon….in other words- " the ‘i don’t care if you don’t think i’m special…go ahead and take a load of this.shrivel up and die afterwards, please.’ recital piece"
7. Czardas ( Monti) —-> the " please stay away from me…stupid useless men" piece
it’s my hidden talent. everyone must have a hidden talent. you talk about it, but you only share it with your loved ones. it’s why Mr. Atty Superproxy ex husband to be # 3 fell in love with me. Ok, so first, it was my kiss. then my violin playing.  and he also loved my stories. he loved " Flashlight", the most.
In Grandmama’s letter to me, leaving the violin to me, she wrote :
"….because I love you. Play. Love, Grandma "
Yes, Grandma.
Send husband # 1 and only muna, ok?
I’m getting so lonely and so depressed. It’s starting to show and to get the better of me…how can I play lovely Grandma? You know me….

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