what do you find the hardest to do? ~

1. A: Saying goodbye to the only love I’ve ever known, in this life of mine.
         I only have two options
         a. do it without words
         b. do it without words and by hurting him

   letter b always works for anyone. i really should not have ever listened to his, " It makes me look bad." I should have given him his patented, " So what?"
   i really don’t deserve to be miserable.
   he’s so good at it ~ making me feel like a factory reject.
   i swear…it will be my turn to say, " your problem. not mine."
   what is pain?
   i’ll tell you.
   pain is knowing this : my father’s life was also full. too full. twas so full that he chose to leave his family behind.
   pain is getting this (many years after): i can’t. my life is full.
   what i think? wrong vowel and wrong consonant.
   should be : my life is fool.
   I don’t want to hurt you, he says. But he hurts me.
   thank you for the great example.
   OK. let’s just hurt each other since you won’t have it any other way…anyway.
   and he never thinks of my health. he was lying when he said it.

 2. Q: What’s going to be in your mind?
         1. You should have made me matter more.
         2. You should have given it a real try.
         3.  You shouldn’t have been so selfish because I can also be selfish.
         4.  Everything is going to be alright… as long as I don’t care about him.

3. Q: Who is that old lady in the picture?

      My Nana Cookie Monster. Nana was my nursery school playground playmate. She used to go down the slide with me. She used to
      watch me play on the monkey bars. She used to sew tiny overalls for me. She thought that I was a little boy. She always helped me to stop crying     whenever my dad made me cry. Nana has always lived with us.

4. Knowing that I’ve been in-love with a Mr. Snufflelafaggus. E. has had a new name-tag…for months now. They call him Mr. Snufflelafaggus. Because he never did catch that plane for me. He never got just how precious his, " I should" has been, to me.
    It was the only way to show everyone : See? He’s not imaginary. And he’s not like the others. Shame on all of you.
    Too bad that E. could never understand the very simple things.


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